Published: April 22, 2008 10:22 am            

Clinging to Guns, God and Whiskey, but mostly pollsters

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Here in the City of Brotherly love, there are clearly a lot of brothers but not much love between squabbling candidates Hillary “get your gun” Clinton and the media heartthrob Barack Obama. It is now all about Guns, God and Whiskey, which incidentally, was also my high school prom theme.

Doing what politicians do best, they divert questions asked to them by a fawning press corps with answers that in no way resemble the original question. The politicians left standing in this race are well schooled in not actually saying what they believe only what their advisors, who interpret focus groups, tell them to say.

And with that, we get interesting results, one of which is the following: Hillary has come out as a duck hunter. And, hold on to your pouch of Redman, she likes to take shots of whiskey too. She is one gun rack away from my actually liking her.

Really, Hillary duck hunting? I can just imagine her getting up at 3:00 a.m., right after getting that important White House call on the imminent collapse of the housing market. Following a quick and forceful response that immediately sets the country back on solid economic footing, she then puts on her camouflaged pants suit to meet her good ole boy buddies at the duck blind. There she sits, in SUV One, praying that they do not forget to bring her Crown Royal, the whiskey she so loves. The fancy purple velvet bag it comes in can double as a shot gun shell cozy.

Hillary will soon say that she has long lamented that there was not a duck hunting club at Wellesley or Yale law school. Her efforts to start one at both liberal colleges were thwarted by the fact that none of the students had ever shot a gun. Ducks, in their view, need not be shot to be served a L’orange. Only free range ducks humanely treated and dying of natural causes make their way to the eating club tables of Wellesley and Yale.

Hillary reasons, that by telling this latest lame duck story (the one about duck hunting, not the one about ducking bullets in Bosnia), that if you are a resident of rural Pennsylvania or have seen the movie Deer Hunter, you might just vote for her now.

All of this just highlights the absurdity of politics. The willingness of politicians to say or do anything to get elected amazes me. Even patrician Mitt Romney tried to endear himself to the gun toting right when he claimed to be a “lifelong hunter”.

Not realizing that there are hunting licenses that document such zeal for hunting, the media quickly outed Romney and found that he had only been twice. In fact, Rudy Giuliani had been married more times that Romney had been hunting.

Reagan was the last Republican who had a gun and knew how to use it. And because he did have a gun and was willing to use it, we did not have to---and defeated communism as a result. This is the real hope of any gun owner; not having to use it.

Hillary is trying to win this election as only a Clinton knows how, by targeting a group of simple minded poor whites and scaring the bejeezus out of them that her black male rival intends to take away their guns. In fact, Hillary’s entire gun hugging act appears intended to take advantage of the Barack Obama’s reportedly elitist attitudes towards people of faith and those who “cling to their guns”. This, along with his nutty preacher and tenuous ties to a radical Weatherman who tried to blow up the Pentagon, gives rednecks plenty of reason not to vote for him without feeling racist.

It must be funny to watch the liberal elites in the Democrat camps try to come up with ideas that they think appeal to us good ole boys. Both strike me as people that would be sloppy tipsy after one Sloe Gin Fizz.

I am not campaign savvy, but feel strongly that I can add some value in the liquor drinking area and hereby offer my services. First, Hillary and your handlers, when you want to make yourself out to be a good ole gal, don’t let the stage hands put Crown Royal, the Canadian gently blended whiskey, in your hand. First of all, it comes in a frilly purple velvet pouch with strings attached—just like you trying to act like you are a blue collar woman. You should go with fine Tennessee made Jack Daniels for such stunts. This, to me, again proves that you and your staff do not know Jack about the American people.



Ron Hart is a Southern libertarian columnist who writes a weekly column about politics and life. He worked for Goldman Sachs and was appointed to The Tennessee Board of Regents by Lamar Alexander. His E-mail: RevRon10@aol.com

        

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