Opinion

June 26, 2013

Charles Oliver: Councilman claims alien affairs

• Simon Parkes, a member of the Whitby town council in England, has fessed up to a years-long affair that has produced one child. Parkes, 53, says his wife hasn’t taken the news well. I’m not sure if that’s because he has admitted to adultery or because he claims the affair has been with a green Cat Queen from outer space. Parkes, who has three children with his human wife, says the Cat Queen beams him up to her ship four times a year for hanky panky. He further claims that he has been having sex with various aliens since he was 6. Extraterrestrial intercourse seems to run in his family. Parkes has previously claimed his mother, his “real” mother, is a 9-foot tall green alien with eight fingers.

• An official with the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation (TDEC) says complaints about water quality could be considered an “act of terrorism.” In a meeting with Maury County residents, Sherwin Smith, deputy director of the TDEC’s Division of Water Resources, warned that “you need to make sure that when you make water quality complaints you have a basis, because federally, if there’s no water quality issues, that can be considered under Homeland Security an act of terrorism.”

• Montgomery County, Ill., Republican Party Chairman Jim Allen has apologized for remarks about former Miss America Erika Harold that many have called sexist, racist and downright stupid. Harold recently announced she would challenge U.S. Rep. Rodney Davis in the 2014 GOP primary. Allen, who supports Davis, apparently didn’t take that well. He called Harold, who has been active in Republican politics for at least a decade, a “street walker” being pimped by the Democratic Party and the “love child” of the Democratic National Committee. He also said that after she loses the primary Harold, an attorney with a white father and black mother, would go to Chicago to work “for some law firm that needs to meet their quota for minority hires.”

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Opinion
  • Sacrifices worth honoring

    Members of the Dalton City Council were recently approached by representatives of the local chapter of the Military Order of the Purple Heart with a request to declare Dalton a Purple Heart City. Council members indicated they will approve the request.

    July 24, 2014

  • We must do better

    The numbers tell a sad tale.
    Registered voters: 36,843.
    Cards cast: 5,307.
    That means the turnout for Tuesday’s runoffs in Whitfield County was a measly 14.4 percent, according to unofficial results from the Whitfield County elections office.

    July 23, 2014

  • Letter: Control immigration

    Thousands are starting to pour into our country, and things are getting personal. Why would we end up the bad guys if we turn away children who aren’t ours? How does it make us better people to let one man steal from our children and stand by and do nothing?

    July 23, 2014

  • Helping with Book Blast betters the community

    The school test results are in, and students in Whitfield and Murray counties mostly improved from a year ago, mirroring or exceeding average scores of their peers.

    July 23, 2014

  • Mark Millican: Guns are already everywhere

    Though it happened over 30 years ago, the image is still vivid.

    July 22, 2014

  • Charles Oliver: Former officer works overtime improperly

    Stephen F. Hall has pleaded guilty to theft by deception and falsifying a government record.

    July 22, 2014

  • Dalton council should seek answers

    Judicial elections in this area are usually pretty staid. In fact, they are generally nonexistent, since most judges run unopposed.

    July 21, 2014

  • Letter: Something to think about

    It has been better than four months now since Malaysia Flight 370 went missing. During that time we have heard all kinds of speculation, conjecture and opinions as to what happened to it. The only certainties to emerge are that the Malaysians fumbled the ball early on and there are some understandably distressed loved ones left to deal with their losses.

    July 21, 2014

  • Don’t forget the runoff

    Most folks are either getting ready for or still recovering from their summer vacations. So it’s easy to forget that Tuesday is an election day. A runoff election day to be precise.

    July 20, 2014

  • Be excited about a new grocery store, but stay loyal to the Green Spot

    The Daily Citizen reported on the front page of the July 15 newspaper that Dalton could get a new grocery store.

    July 19, 2014