Opinion

June 26, 2013

Charles Oliver: Councilman claims alien affairs

• Simon Parkes, a member of the Whitby town council in England, has fessed up to a years-long affair that has produced one child. Parkes, 53, says his wife hasn’t taken the news well. I’m not sure if that’s because he has admitted to adultery or because he claims the affair has been with a green Cat Queen from outer space. Parkes, who has three children with his human wife, says the Cat Queen beams him up to her ship four times a year for hanky panky. He further claims that he has been having sex with various aliens since he was 6. Extraterrestrial intercourse seems to run in his family. Parkes has previously claimed his mother, his “real” mother, is a 9-foot tall green alien with eight fingers.

• An official with the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation (TDEC) says complaints about water quality could be considered an “act of terrorism.” In a meeting with Maury County residents, Sherwin Smith, deputy director of the TDEC’s Division of Water Resources, warned that “you need to make sure that when you make water quality complaints you have a basis, because federally, if there’s no water quality issues, that can be considered under Homeland Security an act of terrorism.”

• Montgomery County, Ill., Republican Party Chairman Jim Allen has apologized for remarks about former Miss America Erika Harold that many have called sexist, racist and downright stupid. Harold recently announced she would challenge U.S. Rep. Rodney Davis in the 2014 GOP primary. Allen, who supports Davis, apparently didn’t take that well. He called Harold, who has been active in Republican politics for at least a decade, a “street walker” being pimped by the Democratic Party and the “love child” of the Democratic National Committee. He also said that after she loses the primary Harold, an attorney with a white father and black mother, would go to Chicago to work “for some law firm that needs to meet their quota for minority hires.”

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Opinion
  • Tax holiday weekend is perfect time to shop

    August means children across the state are headed back to school, and for parents that means it’s time to buy new shoes and clothes for children who have outgrown their old ones. It means it’s time to buy new school supplies, and it may even mean it’s time to get a child a new computer to do their school work.

    July 30, 2014

  • "We’ve had a great ride"

    For 60 years, the Green Spot has been a part of Dalton. It survived long after most other locally owned grocery stores in the area had folded to competition from big chain grocery stores and to big box super stores.

    July 29, 2014

  • Charles Oliver: Traveler from a district in Columbia?

    Jim Gray was traveling out of Orlando International Airport when a Transportation Security Administration officer tried to stop him from boarding his plane.

    July 29, 2014

  • Letter: Children are not the enemy

    We recently read somewhere that our country is at war, not with another nation but with one another.

    July 29, 2014

  • Ensuring the joy of reading

    They’re little, they’re libraries, and best of all, they’re free.

    July 28, 2014

  • Move carefully, but soon

    No one intended for it to happen. No one had any bad motives.
    But during a period of 40 years or more, quite a few people didn’t do enough planning, didn’t have enough foresight to see what all of the development in Dalton would do.

    July 27, 2014

  • Local school systems must bear costs of federal immigration failure

    No word. No warning. Little help.
    That’s what Dalton Public Schools officials received from the federal government when it dropped 30 Central American students into local classrooms last school year.

    July 26, 2014

  • Sacrifices worth honoring

    Members of the Dalton City Council were recently approached by representatives of the local chapter of the Military Order of the Purple Heart with a request to declare Dalton a Purple Heart City. Council members indicated they will approve the request.

    July 24, 2014

  • We must do better

    The numbers tell a sad tale.
    Registered voters: 36,843.
    Cards cast: 5,307.
    That means the turnout for Tuesday’s runoffs in Whitfield County was a measly 14.4 percent, according to unofficial results from the Whitfield County elections office.

    July 23, 2014

  • Letter: Control immigration

    Thousands are starting to pour into our country, and things are getting personal. Why would we end up the bad guys if we turn away children who aren’t ours? How does it make us better people to let one man steal from our children and stand by and do nothing?

    July 23, 2014