Opinion

June 26, 2013

Charles Oliver: Councilman claims alien affairs

• Simon Parkes, a member of the Whitby town council in England, has fessed up to a years-long affair that has produced one child. Parkes, 53, says his wife hasn’t taken the news well. I’m not sure if that’s because he has admitted to adultery or because he claims the affair has been with a green Cat Queen from outer space. Parkes, who has three children with his human wife, says the Cat Queen beams him up to her ship four times a year for hanky panky. He further claims that he has been having sex with various aliens since he was 6. Extraterrestrial intercourse seems to run in his family. Parkes has previously claimed his mother, his “real” mother, is a 9-foot tall green alien with eight fingers.

• An official with the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation (TDEC) says complaints about water quality could be considered an “act of terrorism.” In a meeting with Maury County residents, Sherwin Smith, deputy director of the TDEC’s Division of Water Resources, warned that “you need to make sure that when you make water quality complaints you have a basis, because federally, if there’s no water quality issues, that can be considered under Homeland Security an act of terrorism.”

• Montgomery County, Ill., Republican Party Chairman Jim Allen has apologized for remarks about former Miss America Erika Harold that many have called sexist, racist and downright stupid. Harold recently announced she would challenge U.S. Rep. Rodney Davis in the 2014 GOP primary. Allen, who supports Davis, apparently didn’t take that well. He called Harold, who has been active in Republican politics for at least a decade, a “street walker” being pimped by the Democratic Party and the “love child” of the Democratic National Committee. He also said that after she loses the primary Harold, an attorney with a white father and black mother, would go to Chicago to work “for some law firm that needs to meet their quota for minority hires.”

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Opinion
  • Citizen of the Week: Kacee Smith of the Georgia Rampage

    When the Georgia Rampage became Dalton’s first professional indoor football team last year, it would have been easy for the owner and players to focus only on drawing attention to themselves as they tried to build up the team’s following.

    April 18, 2014

  • Successes continue at Dalton State College

    These are exciting times for our local college, Dalton State, both on campus and off.

    April 16, 2014

  • Mark Millican: The birds hushed their singing

    For the uninitiated, that line is from what many consider the greatest rock song of all time, “Stairway to Heaven,” by Led Zeppelin.

    April 15, 2014

  • Misty Watson: When blood sugar drops, anger rises

    It wouldn’t have taken 107 married couples and 21 days to figure out that being hungry makes people angry.

    April 15, 2014

  • Working for the man

    You may be one of the many Americans who will rush to file their income taxes today. But you may not yet have earned enough money to pay all of the taxes that will be imposed on you this year.

    April 15, 2014

  • Letter: The glib tongue, the fake smile

    A recent Daily Citizen column by Walter Williams will both awaken and frighten any thinking person who claims even a smidgen of knowledge about — or belief in —  either the Bible, world history or current events.

    April 15, 2014

  • College soccer team would bring local talent together

    Dreams of combining the best soccer players from all local high schools into one team finally could come true.

    April 13, 2014

  • Letter: Primaries feature many choices

    Many people are confused this year about the May 20 Election Day. Unfortunately, very few voters in Whitfield County actually go to the polls for a primary election. But this means any increase in participation can have a significant impact.

    April 12, 2014

  • Letter: Hooper for Murray chief magistrate

    Thanks to all the wonderful people and friends who backed me for District 1 Murray County Board of Education. You sure showed a lot of support. Sorry I had to step down due to my and my wife’s health. I am a lot better now.

    April 12, 2014

  • Judicial dispute could have been avoided

    Judicial elections in Whitfield and Murray counties tend to be low key. In fact, we can’t recall the last time an incumbent judge on the Conasauga Superior Court, which cover the two counties, has even faced a challenger.

    April 12, 2014