July 24, 2013

Misty Watson: Pandering to the pipsqueak

Misty Watson

— I always knew July 22 was a day for royalty.

After all, it is my birthday. Even my mom called me a queen on Monday on Facebook. Of course, she had placed “drama” in front of queen, but I’m sure that was just a typo. Oops, Mom. I bet your face was red when you realized your mistake.

It seems as though July 22 has become even more royal as a little British pipsqueak entered the world, dominating headlines across the globe.

As I celebrated my 31st birthday, Duchess Kate gave birth to a baby boy at 4:24 p.m. I’m sure Prince William was hanging out in the room playing on his phone as she labored at the end of her tether and exclaimed “Oh that smarts a bit!”

Sharing a birthday with the royal baby boy puts me in line for the throne now, right?

Actually, I don’t understand the obsession some Americans have for the royal family. When Kate and William got married I knew people who stayed up all night making tea and crumpets and wearing fascinators on their heads, tissues in hand waiting on the tears to fall.

I thought we declared our independence from England years ago.

But now many people are turning their attention back to England to celebrate the birth of royalty. I think more Americans are tweeting about the royal baby than the English.

Some people even watched live streaming video of the Lindo Wing of St. Mary’s Hospital in London where Kate gave birth. I’m not sure what they expected to see. Was there an official decree each time Kate progressed a centimeter? Each time she pushed?

Kate and William made their first public appearance on Tuesday.

I watched a clip of the baby’s royal debut. As Kate handed her son off to her husband, surrounded by so many members of the media, I really expected him to hold the baby over his head like Rafiki does Simba in The Lion King. I kept waiting on “The Circle of Life” to play in the background, but only ever played in my head. (Does this mean Prince Henry has become the evil Scar?)

The royal baby didn’t look so special to me.

The new parents said they had changed their baby’s first nappy. Oh, wonderful. We even get to hear about the baby’s dirty diapers ... because I don’t deal with that enough on a daily basis as it is. I wonder how long that will last before it becomes the job of the couple’s least favorite servant?

The BBC reports William said, “He’s got a good pair of lungs on him, that’s for sure. He’s a big boy, he’s quite heavy. We are still working on a name so we will have that as soon as we can.”

When I read that what I really see is: “He won’t quit screaming. I haven’t slept since he was born. I’m too weak to hold an 8-pound baby. And I have no idea what to call the little bugger because you won’t leave me alone long enough to think of a name which won’t be ridiculed.”

Well, that really came up trumps, didn’t it?

Actually I felt sorry for Kate. I didn’t change out of my purple yoga pants for the first two weeks after Sophie was born. And I totally rocked the new mom ponytail and the two-day old spit-up stain on my shirt. But here she was the day after giving birth, in a dress with perfect hair and makeup. I didn’t notice any spit-up on her dress.

At that point, I was just happy to have a shower. (I know some of the moms out there know what I’m talking about.)

I wonder just how far we’re going to take this obsession with the baby. Even Blue Ivy and Suri must be feeling slighted by now.

What’s next for the royal baby? A live-stream of the Christening? A play-by-play of the circumcision?

Or maybe he will take after his grandfather, Prince Charles, and be another damp squib in England.

Murray County native Misty Watson is a photographer and writer for The Daily Citizen. You can write to her at mistywatson@daltoncitizen.com, facebook.com/MistyWatsonDCN or on Twitter, @mistydwatson.